And I’m back! I missed the blog and the podcast so very much, but I’ve never hit a wall so hard in my life; that wasn’t caused by a relationship at least. Two internships, trying to grow the Chase Joy Chanise brand, student organizations, freelance positions, and being a full-time student was such a terrible idea in hindsight.
Hard Decisions & Realizations
It was hard for me to step back from the blog and the podcast but I was tail spinning. I couldn’t keep a single thing in my life straight, everything was always too much, and someone always seemed to need me. I couldn’t show up for myself or even half of my responsibilities. So yeah, there were many losses during this period of time, and I have made my peace with all of them.
I had to come to terms with my time blindness. Time blindness, a factor of executive dysfunction, has been beating my behind. I have been saying, for basically all of my life, that I “don’t have a sense of time.” I have a very difficult time feeling time pass and I have a desperate need to “waste” time in order to mentally prepare myself for
Corona & Productivity
Spending a year and a half of my education on Zoom was… less than subpar. Not only was my curriculum at the time simply not meant to be virtual, but a global pandemic is a real motivation dampener. Besides the trouble with my time blindness, I seemed to somehow forget that I am simply not *as productive at home. Among my high school friends, I was known to do all of my homework at school. Whether it was during class time or staying after school, I simply refused to bring that mess into my place of rest. I liked to keep things separate and that is how I ended up Salutatorian of my graduating class. I did what made me most productive. Sometime during Corona I forgot, and it didn’t occur to me until I was forced into a hiatus.
Caring Reminder
Now here we are, almost one whole month into 2022 and I’m determined to restructure my life. I recently received a random phone call from one of my favorite people to ever exist. She asked about my mental health and she didn’t like how long I paused on that question. She insisted that I take care of myself; she’s honestly seen me at rock bottom and is scared of me returning there. Since that call, I’ve taken a more active role in the state of my mental health. I’m sick of things just happening and me reacting, whether it be good or bad. I want to make waves in my own life, get back in the driver’s seat.
Right now that looks like:
- spending more time on campus than in my bed
- keeping track of my mood
- organizing my thoughts
- being picky with the type of media I interact with
I hope your life reacting to your big personality and dreams and not the other way around.
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